National Women’s Day — are you a VIEWer or a DOer?

3550BDC6-6149-4F85-AC89-939A74B585C5How do you celebrate holidays like National Women’s Day? You could change the world if you get this right!

Celebrating a holiday as a once-a-year thing is kinda like eating an orange and expecting to have your Vitamin C needs met for the year.

Some people go to Easter Sunday services and never darken the church doors again. You KNOW who you are! LOL
That one day, that one suit, that one sermon…you’re good to go for the entire year until the bunnies start to lay eggs again. Or are you?

Yesterday was National Woman’s Day. WOMANHOOD. A very worthy thing to celebrate, we all agree. So to designate a day to bring attention to it is commendable.

However, there are 364 other days in the year and I want to encourage you to use them to celebrate your “it” days all year ‘round.

Why do we become people who observe others in distress, yet feel uncomfortable offering to help? The other day a story went viral about a young mom at an airport whose toddler was hysterical. Six women came from different gates and sat down around her to lend support, not emotional and practical. It was so unusual that the story has become viral worldwide and (I hope) awakened a true “village movement” and mentality that we have largely lost as a norm in current society.

While in Florida over the weekend, a man helped me with a canoe I couldn’t lift. It’s a little bit sad that he waited and finally said, “I’m waiting for you to ask me to do that for you!” because our culture has become suspicious and preditorial and he was being cautious about approaching me with his offer.

But when we see women struggling in public with children who are out of their element and having a meltdown due to baby stress, it’s not a Netflix season, my friends. It’s a LIFE. And WE are that momma’s village. If we offer to help her and she says “No” then we have our answer. If we DON’T offer, we’re just observers and can expect that the world will treat us the same…like a tv special worth viewing, but not worth DOing anything about.

How can you buck the “system” for the next 364 days and DO something about the needs you see around you? If you see someone needing help, YOU are that person’s village!

If I see you in need I promise to say, “How may I help you?” Starting right now:

How may I help you??

Things That Hide


What is hiding in your life…or in your body?


For several decades I wrote music for my children and those songs became family classics. But, classic or no, YOU didn’t know about it during all of those years because I kept that gift of mine hidden. Sometimes I also work too hard and too long and don’t take breaks until a project is finished. But you don’t know about it until I disappear due to exhaustion, illness, or maybe you just find out by a random visit or call that I’m hiding in the bathroom crying.


Just like the musical abilities were hidden from you while I kept them locked up, the mental glitch of not being able to stop typing for hours on end is hidden from you…unless I tell you (which I won’t…wait…lol) or you are close enough to me to observe, take note, and take action. Action like “Hey, Elisa. When was the last time you ate; or took a walk; or took a break; or MOVED from that spot?!” I’m not kidding when I tell you that yesterday’s work marathon left a permanent butt-print on the sofa! However, the less obvious strain to my neck and back and emotions is invisible to you unless I tell you (which I guess I just did).


Your life is a story and your gifts tell that story. Your mind and body shows the chapters of that story, but one needs the ability to read as well as the cognition to see it.


Did you know that the “moons” on your fingernails tell a story? Whether or not you have moons on your fingernails is indication of presence or lack of certain essential nutrients and may even indicate the presence of dis-ease in your body. Ridges on your nails tell a story as well. Google it since I am not qualified to give medical advice, but it’s true. I have one moon on my thumb and the rest of my fingers are moon-less. And I have ridges. Evidence of deficiency that my doctor and I are addressing daily.


Clear evidence is present, whether we realize it or not. And one would have to be very close to us in order to know if we bear these signs of dis-ease. And, here’s the kicker…even though our hands are at the ends of our arms and closer to us than the person sitting right next to us, we ourselves don’t often know these indicators, nor do we even take time to look at something as close as our fingernails.


Our symptoms stay hidden, even from ourselves. Until they aren’t hidden anymore as simply a deficiency and they emerge as a full-blown illness.


Most of us wait until a doctor’s appointment is needed before we even notice that the problem had been building for years. This applies to hidden physical dis-ease in our bodies as well as to hidden heart dis-ease in those around us.


Most of us don’t even notice that the people right next to us may be suffering invisible pain until there is an attempt at suicide or they are hiding in the bathroom at work crying (or at home, as the case may be).


Please…this holiday season be diligent to put your well-being first. Get your rest and have moments of leisure for yourself that renew and revive you. If you wait for others to notice, they likely won’t.


Please be cognizant this next couple of weeks of the people around you. Take a closer look at their emotional “moons” and see if – whether absent or present – there seems to be a lack. Then do the simplest thing — let them know that you see them and that you care. Sometimes the most inconsequential-seeming things have the most power. Love can be shared just by looking in someone’s eyes and saying “How are you?” then staying present while they answer. Did you see that “staying present” part?


This simple act just might save someone’s life. And what a gift THAT would be.


I have this one friend-acquaintance. Every time I see her out and about (and that is pretty much the ONLY time I see her because she stays so busy) I know by now that she will do two things: 1. She will ask how I’m doing, and 2. She will listen to roughly 7.34 seconds of my answer before saying (Every. Single. Time.) “I’m in the middle of something and I HAVE to keep moving or I’ll be thrown off schedule!” and she hustles off. Every time.


We have all likely “been there” and “done that;” given as well as received.


It hurts. It seems so small and silly, but it hurts. I feel invisible to her. I think if my answer to her were “I’ve got a rare disease, holes in my brain, and will be dead by Friday” by the time I got to the word “rare” she’d be looking at her watch and her breathing would be quickening for her great escape from actually hearing me.


Ouch. I can be like Eeyore at times with his “Thanks for noticing me.” My primary love language is quality time and when someone doesn’t have even cursory time for me, well, it hurts my widdo feewings. But I’ll be okay because you can be certain I’ll be seeking out friends and family to talk to or hang with and remind myself that I really do matter.


Please be cognizant of the fact that some people don’t have default friends & family, and we never know what their tipping point might be or how close they may be to hopelessness. However, if you stop and look in their eyes as they answer your friendly “How are you?” … if you reeeeally look closely … you may see that there is an empty place where joy should be shining.


Kinda like the empty place on my four fingers where “moons” should be.


Now get on out there and spread around some love today.




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You Are Not Santa

santasmile.jpgSantaSleepingDear Moms (and sometimes Dads):

Every year about this time you likely go into a panic with lists and budgets and recipes and and and…

I’ve got some great news for you.

You are not Santa!

Maybe no one has told you this before, so here I go:

YOU SHOULD HAVE A CHRISTMAS, TOO…not just be the one that provides Christmas for everyone else!

But do you?  Do you have a Christmas?

Or do you sit and watch everyone else having a Christmas in your five-minute breaks between chores of being Perpetual Santa creating Christmas for everyone else?

I can guess the answer. I know the answer.

Because I was Perpetual Santa for many many years.  And now, even as a single-mom-not-able-to-afford-being-Santa-anymore, I still feel the guilt of not having all of the lists and recipes and chores that I used to have to make Christmas, well, Christmas … for everyone else.

Do you know that that kind of stress can make you  physically ill?

Some of you do know. Some of you don’t know. (And ONE of you actually thrives on this kind of stress because it’s actually good for you. I’m happy for you. You can stop reading now because the rest of this blog is for those of us who think we’re thriving, but aren’t)

And some of you don’t know yet that it’s hurting you because — down the road — you will begin to see the wear and tear this has had on your mind and body. It WILL catch up.

When do you get a holiday?

Moms (and sometimes dads, but not as often), you need more than a holiday. You need holidays. Moments and minutes and hours and days where nothing is expected of you (by others OR by yourself) where you get to just breathe, regroup, and restore. Small daily doses of rest, just like kids get. It’s not wrong to make sure that you take care of YOU first. It actually makes you a BETTER parent or friend when you choose to do this.

Do you feel like your mind never, ever stops? Especially this time of year from, oh, October through New Years, are you realizing that you never give your brain and body a conscious break from day-to-day, week-to-week, year-to-year stress??

Here is my little gift to you:

*ASK for what you need. Let your people know exactly what blesses and heals you.

*Take time for JUST YOU five minutes a day, and consciously breathe. Do nothing but breathe. A doctor I know said that if everyone took 20 deep breathes in complete silence just once a day, it has potential to change the world.

*Sit with a favorite beverage 20 minutes before anyone else awakens and just quiet your mind. Read something soothing to your soul. Play music that lifts your spirits…I know of an album called We Found Home (written by yours truly and my daughters) that would bring you the precious gift of peace. 🙂 (link below)

*Buy yourself a small, favorite treat next time you’re shopping for everyone else. Hide it and enjoy it in those (above) quiet moments. I choose Endangered Species Dark Chocolate “Almond and Sea Salt” flavor — there are essential nutrients in that stuff! WIN!!

*Fill a tub with hot water and 2 cups of epsom salts (or a fancy bath bomb, if you like), light a candle, turn on your favorite music or that podcast you’ve been wanting to listen to, close and lock the bathroom door (at my house the door doesn’t latch, so both steps are necessary to alert the offspring that this is MOM-time), lay back and do NOTHING but soak for 20-30 minutes. Do this at least twice a week. Epsom salts soothe muscles and are reputed to draw out heavy metals from your body. Add some Lavender essential oil and you’ll sleep like a baby elf!

This Christmas (and always) please take care of you first.

It’s your gift to yourself…which is ALWAYS a gift to your entire family and to your world, as it happens.

And thank you. Thank you for being such an amazing giver. It’s time for you to receive.

So much love,





Pain and Hope

On Bearing Pain…and sharing Hope:

“Just because someone stumbles, or loses their way, it doesn’t mean they’re lost forever. Sometimes we all need a little help.”

Help can only come by our sharing that we need help. Sharing with those who care most about us — and sometimes the greatest help will come from a distance. I’ve often been surprised at how much help has come from FB friends who live many miles or even oceans and countries away from me!

“As frightening as it may be, that pain will make you stronger, if you allow yourself to feel it. Embrace it. It will make you more powerful than you ever imagined! It’s the greatest gift we have, to bear the pain without breaking. And its born from a most human power: Hope.”

Admit your pain. Share your struggle. Let Hope guide you; your honesty may be what unlocks the wisdom of others who have answers…others who have love to share. And you just may save a life when someone else finds Hope in realizing they struggle similarly and, for the first time, they know they are not alone.

By sharing your own challenges, you give others the opportunity to bring into being the scripture that commands us to “Bear one another’s burdens, and — in this way — fulfill the mandate of Christ.” You know: the Golden Rule. The true Gospel. Love One Another.


(I just re-read this and realize that “practice what you preach” is worthy of repeating daily in the bathroom mirror!)

So much love (and grace, because I’m right there with ya!),


On Being Real

16864826_10208120092497211_3165857852537436714_nI’ve been afraid to show up as “less than perfect.” And I don’t even know what “perfect” IS! Do you???
The only way to achieve so-called perfection is to be unapologetically yourself.
REAL — sad, happy, broken, healing or healer, scared, brave “succeeding” or failing, fun, boring, recovering, peaceful, loud, whatever — in your moments.
I can preach it, but it’s proving more difficult to live it.
Por ejemplo: I’ve been avoiding doing my FB Live videos because I keep waiting until I “feel” great in order to show up sounding inspired and looking “good.” I’m in some kind of jacked up competition with myself that I can never win because the longer I hide, the easier it becomes to stay hidden.
And hiddenness is NOT where healing resides. Healing is found in COMPANIONSHIP and LOVE. And knowing that we (and our life experiences) are needed.
I want it. I know you do, too.
My current life experience: I have a grouping of physical symptoms that are becoming known more widely by the heading “Adrenal Fatigue.” And these symptoms show themselves in some annoying ways. I never know from day to day how they may manifest as I study myself (like a bug under a microscope) to discover the root causes. This past weekend I discovered that sugar and dairy combined will kick my butt and knock me completely off my feet. No kidding. Evil, evil dark chocolate organic ice cream!
The worst of it is, however, that it made me feel depressed and abandoned…even though my daughters went on a beautiful “Let’s Cheer Mom Up!” surprise Christmas Quest to Marshall’s and bought a Christmas tree and seasonal decor (throws, pillows, floor rug) to brighten up our living room. My reaction when I saw their efforts, the room, the blazing fire in the fireplace, the scented candles, that beautiful tree lit up with white lights?? I burst into tears of PTSD. I did thank them later, but it was most definitely belatedly.
Poor daughters!
All this to say: So many people have reached out to me since I “came out” about my illness that I KNOW this is epidemic in our world, yet few — relatively speaking — are talking about it.
Because I have it, I believe that “perfect” for me is to talk. Well, I’ve ALWAYS found it easy to talk, but it’s time to talk about IT.
So, I’ll still be chatty about whatever “divine download” comes to me on the fly, and you’ll still be privy to our musical evenings of Nite-Nite with Nae-Nae and Dream a Little Dream of Bree. But as I traverse this healing journey from debilitating exhaustion, I’m going to tell you what I find out so that you, too, can heal and help others do the same. You’re welcome.
And I’m going to be nicer to my daughters. They are even better than Elf On A Shelf, and my living room is a wonderland. Plus, they bring me bone broth. *bleeeess!* Life = sweet.
I love you.

But You don’t LOOK sick!

22519039_10209742170648151_6812657658454349209_n“But you don’t LOOK sick…” is a common refrain for people who have hidden illnesses like depression, anxiety, toxic mold allergies, Adrenal Fatigue, Addison’s Disease, etc. At the extreme end, agoraphobic people simply stay locked away and nobody knows or hears of their suffering because they are too scared to tell anyone OR to go out.


As you know, I have stuff to say. I stopped for a bit – three months! – but now I have stuff to say about hidden conditions where the sufferer has to face that they don’t “look sick” so why would they need special treatment?


  • I’ve been hiding because I got sick.
  • I got sick because I put taking care of others above taking care of myself.
  • I work in a field where many teach that it is only appropriate to “show your best face and position yourself as THE expert on…whatever” and never EVER show up as anything but “in charge of your own life and your clear message.”
  • Three months ago I became so weak after a common cold that I could barely get out of bed. After plugging along for two weeks I finally gave in and went to the doctor. Before I go into that prognosis, I have something to say to you:


I am sorry. I’m sorry for hiding out and being a coward about appearing “weak” to you because the more I find out about what has happened to me, the more I realize that many of YOU – my friends – are doing the same thing: hiding when you are weak. Hiding weakness. Coming out here only when you feel strong OR only posting stuff that makes you appear strong and positive 100% of the time.


I’ve come to realize that it is better to be REAL than to be “strong.” Because when we are REAL, we make it safe for others to do the same. And when we are REAL, we open the doors of opportunity for others – our truest friends – to show us love. To bring us the companionship and support and HEALING we need.


When I hide, I encourage the fallacy that it’s only okay to show up as STRONG. I encourage the lie that I am only ever strong OR that I am only allowed to show up or be valued if I FEEL strong. And I extend that same skewed message to my world.


It’s not true. Value is not dependent upon strength. Strength is BUILT by brokenness. “In my weakness, then I Am STRONGEST” because that is when my God-light shines brightest. That is when my faith is built up that my VALUE remains intact whether my body is strong or not.


Here are some major lessons I’ve seen played out in my home since becoming ill with the symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue — TWICE (after exposure to mold and extreme exhaustion):

*I am way too self-reliant and I don’t want to be anymore.

*my answers come more quickly when I admit my symptoms and receive my answers

* my daughters WANT me to ask them for what I need. How else will they know???

*this goes for my friends as well – I’ve learned to ASK and watched as beautiful things unfold from my asking. And I get excited at every “Yes! Thank you for asking!” I hear.

*I am capable of being quite the silent martyr when I am….um….silent about my needs.

*there is beauty in weakness because it teaches us humility and shows us the blessing of learning how to receive. Especially those of us who work in the healing & ministry field.


What happened to me? It is a long story & if you want to hear more just send me a message. The part I want you to know is important because it may be happening to you as well. I have been so worried about life and plugging along teaching others about self care but not being as good at it myself because I always want to “show up” when people need me. I know that many of you are doing the same – for partners, for kids, for work, for ministry, for EVERYONE but yourself.


The symptoms of this illness are called Adrenal Fatigue – mostly defined by four stages, the last stage being Addison’s Disease which is said to be irreversible. Mine was a stage before Addison’s. My symptoms emerge full force after months of over-working, anxiety, and exposure to toxic mold. Quite the combo platter, there! I found a Functional Medicine doctor a month ago and he is helping me heal. It took a long time to wear my adrenal glands out to this degree and it will take some time to get them back up to par, but good things are happening already. There are days that I crash & days that I feel incredible…I’m trying to maintain a new “normal” through them all.


And I will show up again, rain or shine, strong or weak. Because, as you well know, I have stuff to say!


If you are feeling constantly drained, like you’re walking through pudding all the time;

If your thinking is foggy and you forget what you were talking about mid-sentence;

If that whole “where did I put my keys” thing has become “didn’t I have a dog? I KNOW I had a dog…” and you can’t seem to ever get enough sleep, your hair is falling out, sudden noises shatter your world and fluorescent lights make your brain wiggle…


Let’s talk. You might be suffering from the same thing. Better yet, find a naturopathic doctor who will listen to you. This is curable in the beginning stages – the stages that conventional doctors refuse to legitimize. Research your symptoms, find a doctor who will listen and who knows what you are experiencing, then get healed up.


So much love,


To Heal A Heart


Do you know someone who is grieving today?


  • Death of a loved one
  • Divorce
  • Empty nesting
  • Unemployment
  • Moving to a new community
  • Debilitating injury or illness


“Will I Ever Feel JOY Again?”

All of these life situations can bring emotion and grief that makes the individual experiencing it feel hopeless that they will ever feel “normal” or joyful again. Often these feelings are demonstrated by depression or anxiety that may not even show in people’s facial expressions or words in everyday life.


I recall walking the halls of my church and feeling like a ghost while trying to recover from divorce of a 23-year marriage. No one knew what to say to me. And, clearly, no one knew what to do, either.


So I cried in private (mostly – sometimes the tears would just sneak out in the grocery line or while I was getting gas or during a chat with other moms…who were happily married) and smiled in public. I dressed up extra pretty for church so my girls would see that life goes on. Sometimes we’d all even dress up for the grocery store, just because we could! It felt good to be silly like that sometimes, even though the tears were never far from falling.


I’ll never forget the day a dear family friend told me the most helpful, hurtful, inconvenient truth I’ve ever known. She asked me what I was looking for from my church experience and I told her: “I want to feel surrounded by family again. I want my girls to see married men who STAY and I want to be around couples and families who are loving and accepting. I want to have people over to my home and them invite us to theirs. FRIENDS. Real friends, not just Bible Study friends or Small Group Fellowship acquaintances, but real friends who drop in unexpectedly & I can do the same with them.”


Then My Heart Broke. Again.

She informed me that that was not likely to happen. “Why?” She said it was because I was still attractive and newly-single and that made for some interesting considerations when wanting to hang out with married couples. I can’t tell you her exact words, but I’m grateful for her honesty. Because before that, I had just felt (for nearly three years after divorce) that there was something wrong with ME.


Have you ever heard a heart break? I did that day. It was mine.


Here’s the GoOD thing that happened from that: I now have an eagle’s eye for newly-divorced, lost-ish looking people who need someone to SEE them; hear them; be willing to hold space for them, have coffee with them, bear a bit of their pain for as many times as it takes until they regain their balance and start to see straight again.


I can literally feel it when someone walks by who is hurting in this way. And I’m grateful. It makes me grateful that I experienced complete and debilitating pain in this way because now I sense it in others and I’m dedicated to being present for them in any way I can. Empathy. It is literally life saving.



Who do you know who may be hurting today? Did someone just pop into your mind as you read this – even though it may not make sense to you? Don’t ignore that thought. It is your G.U.T. (God Uttering Truth…that’s my very own acrostic. You’re welcome) and you may save someone’s heart from breaking just for the price of a cup of coffee. There are a couple of verses from the Bible that say “Get on out there and LISTEN to someone who is hurting!” Well, “Bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ” is one. Another section of scripture ends with “…if you’ve done it to the least of these (good deeds, listening, visiting, feeding), you’ve done it unto ME (Jesus).” Another way you may have heard it said is that “we are the hands and feet of God” to others in this world. Hearing Heals. 


Healing Starts The Moment We Feel Heard


My pain was not for nothing. My pain was to make me FEEL something so deeply that I will never ignore the chance to help, hear, and heal another for as long as I live.


I would love knowing that you will join me in this quest to “Bear each other’s burdens” by holding space and being caring to those in pain. Just be present. And listen. Heal by hearing. Will you join me and start being on the lookout for opportunities to see and hear and heal?


If YOU need to talk, find me on Facebook @ Elisa Joy Torres and send me a Messenger message. I’ll be there for you!


So much love,


Carrying a Load?


GET OVER IT! (or…How Long is Long Enough?)

I was sitting in a church last week (a noisy church, no less) breathing through the mind chatter in my head. I looked down at the card in my hand and it was a listing of all the upcoming classes being offered. The words “Divorce Support” seemed to leap at me from the list and I passively began to read the description. I read it passively because it has been over seven years since I became single and I considered myself considerably “over it” by now. But something within me whispered “You should go.” So I went.


I often tell people “Don’t ‘should’ yourself” (which is actually a form of ‘shoulding’ in itself, but stick with me) because basing one’s decisions on the “shoulds” we put on ourselves isn’t usually the best course of decision-making action.

This was one of those times where “shoulding” myself turned out to be a GoOD thing.


There were only four people there that night. The leader admitted that for the past two weeks no one had shown up. It immediately brought to mind how often we allow opportunities to slip by simply because we don’t say “Yes” and show up. I know I do it without any effort at all…not show up.

Have you ever noticed that the most valuable things in life require effort? (think: meaningful connection with your partner or your kids)

I was excited to have made the effort. And excited to have shown up the very next day. And excited to find out what “support” would look like for all of us there that night.


“That’s IT?” you may wonder. “All you did was TALK?” you may be asking.

That’s it. All we did was talk. No cross-talking or coaching or counseling or opinion sharing. Just one-at-a-time talking. It was based upon the 12-step programs and we went around the room taking random turns saying, “Hi, my name is ______” and launching into sharing whatever was on our minds. I giggled when I took a second turn and said, “Hi, my name is still Elisa” but got over it pretty quickly when the leader didn’t crack a smile. This talking stuff was pretty darn serious to her! Then I realized after my second turn how mellow I was feeling. Like a warm blanket had been draped over my shoulders on a chilly day. I also realized as I listened to the pain in the voices and memories of the others that there was much that I wasn’t “over” yet. And it helped to talk about it. A lot.


I noticed upon entering that the others there were tense and nervous. I, however, (being me) was excited and eager to dive into whatever “support” was going to be offered – both the giving and receiving of it! I was a little disappointed at the instructions given to not reply one word to another person’s sharing. Whaaaat? No cross-talking? No advice or commiserating beyond “Mmmmm, uh-huh, Oooooh” and nodding silently? Now I felt a little tense and nervous, myself! Could I DO it?!?

Then I observed something as I shared — uninterrupted — while the others made supportive noises and nodded their heads: I noticed that I felt lighter, closer, safer. I felt SUPPORTED. I felt like a weight had been lifted and others were bearing some of it.


There is a scripture in the Bible that says “Bear one another’s burdens…” and, in this way, you fulfill the Gospel that Jesus taught which is, basically, Love One Another.

Sitting there in that room with three strangers, I felt Heard. Supported. Loved!

I felt like I got to experience what I give to others when they come to me for coaching: Lightness. Relief. Release. Healing.

And it was all because I chose to show up, share, and bear others’ burdens.

If you are in a healing process of any kind, I encourage you to reach out to others who are hurting like you and LISTEN and SHARE and BEAR. The load is so much lighter when we all carry a bit of the weight together.

So much love,


Find me on Facebook @ Elisa Joy Torres

Life Coach, Loving Mentor, Burden-Sharer, Friend

What do you crave?

Ever crave sweets? When that happens, is it really sugar that your body needs? Very likely it is not, because processed sugar actually becomes poison in our body. Our body never needs poison, but we can be fooled by cravings. And the consequence of consuming poison is never good. Sugar causes inflammation: Headaches, joint pain, back problems, cancer…all fed by sugar.

If you are wise, you avoid it in your diet. But do you see where you are “consuming” it in other areas of your life? Let me esplain…

Last week I was with a group of women and, as happens with my intuitive gift, I was picking up on many things in the people around me. I don’t know how to turn it off even when I’m in a healing process myself. So I zipped my lip, spoke less than I ever have in my life, and kept much of what I “intuitived” to myself.

But there was one situation where I did speak. Because to keep silent would’ve meant leaving a sister to fend for herself while she was bingeing on “sugar” to obey a craving that could never be satisfied that way. The craving was generated by a need to feel loved by her mother. (A need that could only be satisfied by her effectively loving herSELF well.) The “sugar” she reached for was selfless acts of service towards her mentally-abusive mother. The resulting “soul inflammation” was accumulation of debt by binge-shopping after each new mother-rejection.

Forty-plus years of bingeing this way makes for a crap-ton of debt. Both spiritual and financial. And it ate at her very soul.

Do you ever do this in your life?

The solution isn’t budgeting or discipline or self-flagellation or Dave Ramsey for 21 days in a row. The solution is in realizing that the “sugar” is not meeting the reason for the craving. It’s looking deeper into the reason for the craving (in this case: Self Parenting and good, sound counsel) and “eating” that instead of the junk.

Her mother’s reasons for abusing her don’t need to be unpacked because that’s a part of her MOTHER’s life journey. Do you see this? My sister-friend’s life journey involves learning to place boundaries on those who do not honor her — on those who hurt her and who distract from her life purpose. NOT to strive to find a way to make her abusers happy.

This is the common calling to us ALL.

To mistake someone else’s journey for our own is to get lost in a maze in the dark. We only receive light in life to navigate our own maze; our own journey. Joining another in theirs may feel philanthropic or sacrificial or religious or whatever, but it will leave US feeling perpetually lost. And “inflamed…”

…craving more “sugar” (which translates differently for everyone) and working harder and harder to satisfy the craving. But succeeding only in feeling more addicted to that which, ultimately, cannot ever satisfy.

What’s your craving? What’s your addiction? Food, anger, sugar, drugs, porn, sex, shopping, debt, toxic negativity, stealing, sarcasm, yelling at your kids, breaking hearts, even setting fire to things … these are all ineffectual ways of trying to obey a legit craving for something GOOD.

could simply be that you are low on magnesium! If so, supplements and green smoothies would be a better answer than Hershey’s with almonds. One satisfies the need and makes you stronger. The other makes you gain weight and get headaches and have stashes all over the house so you can hide from the kids and drug up when opportunity strikes. See what I mean?

Knowing this is only one step toward a better direction. But it’s a good start!

Then find a good accountability partner or an effective life coach who is dedicated to seeing you succeed.

Do you constantly meet the needs of others, yet feel dissatisfied in your self?
Do you struggle with co-dependency?
Do you see addictions in your life?

Do you wish you could separate out your legit “cravings” and satisfy yourself with effective means rather than destructive?

Contact me at, follow me here and on FB. Your answers may be closer than you think!

So much love,

Trust your Rainbows: life’s True Color people.

True colors can be hard to take. And hard to give, too. Why is that? Because some people — wounded people who have had their true colors dimmed by others — seem to live from a bitter place of suspicion; a place of seeking to strip others of their rainbow vision…their innocence.

Innocence…our connection to pure love.
I don’t believe that true innocence has anything to do with sexuality, life experience, morals, religious practices (or not), or choices. True innocence has to do with purity of soul. And it cannot be stolen. Even when repeatedly ravaged and soiled, true innocence rises like a rainbow … like the proverbial Phoenix to shake off the ashes and fly again. She is unstoppable by outside forces. She can only be vanquished from the INside; and that is highly unlikely to happen because true innocence refuses to consider stopping no matter how much she is beaten down or stained or sat upon or used. She is mighty in her resolve to keep her love fire alive.

This fire is observed by all, understood by few, and shared unrestrainedly…it cannot be otherwise because it is not intentional. It simply IS. All are invited to warm themselves beside this light.

This light is safe, yet feels dangerous to those who have lost their faith in Grace. Because this light? She is fueled by Grace.

Faith. Belief. Trust. Dependency on GoOD for that which is love and light and laughter which rings with pure clarity. Bestowed Grace: Unmerited favor — free and unrestrained — poured out upon “Just this one” right here. That is her gift to this world.

And she WILL be beaten down, stained, sat upon, and used. Because there are those who have been hurt in life who don’t embrace the regenerative miracle of redemption through fire. They have been burned by dangerous fire and choose to hide their wounds rather than heal. They have become bitter and they embrace their hurt and cling to it like a shield. And hurt people hurt people.

Everyone gets wounded in life. Some even receive their scars pre-birth in the form of rejection from their host-womb. No person is immune. Everyone is equal in this sense: every one gets wounded. Every one has lost.

Some labor under the false idea that life is supposed to be easy, and they receive their pain as a curse. These people attempt to protect themselves by backing into tiny spaces — back-to-the-wall, maverick, me-against-the-whole-world, trust-free zones — where ALL are viewed as suspects without exception. All are considered enemies. They practice this mantra: “All are potential wounders and those who haven’t wounded me yet are simply chomping at the bit for the chance to spot a vulnerability so that they might sink their poisoned arrow between the chinks of my well-armored heart. I must protect myself. Especially against GoOD because Goodness hurts me most with its promises of joy; of false hope.” This is their perception of safety: “If I refuse to allow GoOD to heal me, I can stay safe with my familiar, joyless pain. Better the pain I can count on than the Hope that may disappoint!” So they stay alone.

True Love hurts because Love can’t help helping, especially when it means touching gaping wounds with healing salve. And True Love is “touchy.” Love can’t help it.

But wounded people recede when touched.

Once a person recedes into a places of perceived safety — that place of only trusting self — their ability to trust withdraws into a cave/shell of “Everyman to Himself” and he observes the world from a place of silent (or raving, as the personality may dictate) suspicion towards all he surveys, including those nearest and dearest to him.

–including those whose sole desire is to love them purely from a spirit of innocent giving. The very spirit of GoOD.

I entreat you in the name of GoOD to expect to find Love and Light around every corner. And then TRUST IT. I entreat you to swallow your fear of being hurt and allow yourself to be engulfed in a new pain — the pain of fire that cleanses infection, then cauterizes your wounds and allows them to, finally, begin a healing process.

Please, if you are one who is waiting to be hurt again and again, understand that that is what you are WILLING into your life by consistently perceiving that you are surrounded by danger — even suspecting that which has come to heal you.

Embrace Love and she will heal you. Take a chance on Innocence and she WILL prove herself to you. Let go of your shield and finally know true safety for the first time.

Trust GoOD. Trust true colors when you find them. Heal. Come out into the light. Embrace Innocence. Fall into Love.

So much love,